The Faerie Queene – Kyle’s Cut

by Kyle (Kylan) Osborne

Britomart everyone’s favorite heroine stands 5’6”. Her lean build often makes her appear taller when she is wearing her armor. Her armor is dazzlingly white and is a fearsome sight to behold. In her attempt to seem like a man, Britomart may have overcompensated when she chose a suit of armor with interlocking plates and multiple dangerous looking protrusions. Despite its near sinister construct the armor looks nothing less than commanding and noble when donned by the fearsome Britomart. Her shoulder length black hair is often covered by her deceptive helm, while eyes reveal the many trials she has endured. When it comes to the election there are many arguments. Some could say that she is not content to sit back waiting for things to happen, so she goes out to change her place and realize her future…thus Obama. But others would describe her as a Maverick who longs to show that she won’t be tied down or classified by a group, in this case her gender… thus McCain. In all truth, Britomart would have voted for Ralph Nader. He is the only candidate that she felt she could truly trust. Now you might ask… why could she trust Nader? Since you asked… Britomart is impressed by Nader’s perseverance and loyalty to a cause that he cares for and loves. As she journeys on her quest Britomart would gladly help anyone who is searching and persevering to find the thing that he loves and feels is his destiny. I think if I had to compare Britomart to a contemporary woman I would probably chose Hillary Clinton. I might be way off and misinterpreting the work, but for a historical comparison I would at least have to consider Queen Elizabeth. J

Setting the scene: I am peacefully seated in the highest room of the tallest tower of my castle with a guest. Suddenly (and quite rudely) Britomart bursts into the chamber in full armor brandishing her cute little enchanted spear.

Britomart: AHA! Halt thyselfe where yvo stand. Keep away from the Faer maide.

Lord Kylan: Dang it! Seriously Britomart… again!?! We just went through this two weeks ago!

*scene* I may have forgotten to mention that my companion was actually the daughter of the local grain-seller, who I may or may not have been holding hostage.

Britomart: As the defender of trve loue’s chasitie, my dutie and conscience brought me to this near travestie!

Lord Kylan: Come on… if you just let me get away with it once you won’t have to deal with this every few weeks and…

*Britomart raises her spear*

                Fine take her! But you can’t kill me. I’m a noble and that would stain others’ perception of you.

*Britomart knocks Kylan unconscious with the butt of her spear and escorts the maid home*

I would consider writing more… but this is probably starting to be painful for any who may be reading and this post is starting to look massive!


2 thoughts on “The Faerie Queene – Kyle’s Cut”

  1. Kyle, I generally find your writing to be consistently well thought out and gracefully executed. Of all the blogs posted yours is the only entry that even mentions QE1. A shame since there are plenty of portraits of Gloriana. Spenser was working the Queen hard for a handout so I think the historical perspective is important. Not too sure about Raplh Nader but you make a good point.

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