B r i t o m a r t
~ by Jim B.
Britomart is hard to look at on a sunny day; her armor is blindingly white, so as to represent Chastity. Her hair is indeed blond (no arguments !), and she keeps it short in order to be unhindered in battle, though it also helps her to masquerade as a man when she’s in the mood. Because travelling around in a suit of heavy armor can be uncomfortably warm, Britomart chooses to wear few garments beneath her blinding white plates. These garments include: a short white robe, occasionally stained with purple; an enticingly dainty white undergarment; and two thick, battleworthy white stockings. The shaft of her spear is bleached, and its blade glows softly (it’s enchanted, duh). Britomart is of very imposing stature, standing tall and proud in the face of danger. She commands the respect of all who meet her.
Britomart would vote for neither McCain nor Obama. In fact, she wouldn’t have time to vote at all. Even if she did, though, she wouldn’t have enough time to develop an informed opinion on the issues, and because she is honest and virtuous, would not cast a half-boiled vote. Why doesn’t she have any time ? Because she’s always questing, of course.
The following is what I imagine would happen if ever I were to meet Britomart:
Britomart: “Hail, who goes there ?”
Me, wearing sunglasses because of the shiny armor: “Would you mind standing in the shade ? I can’t see.”
Britomart: “Whate mannere of sorcerie be this ?! Darken spectacles whichen blocketh the gentle rayes of yonder sonne !”
Me: “Umm, yeah, please stop pointing that spear at me.” <_< *start backing away from the crazy lady*
Britomart: “Do not essaye to flye from battle, for I shall smite thee and thy foul magicked spectacles !”