Britomart – what a woman!

by Amir Aschner

Britomart is indeed a beautiful woman. I don’t know this for sure, because she has never really been described to me but it’s one of those things you just know. I have a gut feeling that she is beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful that would get her a modeling job in our world but the kind of beautiful you can’t quite place and don’t know how to describe but at the same time can’t turn away from. She is tall for a woman but about average for men. She definitely is a brunette (brunettes just seem more courageous to me) and her hair is just below shoulder height and wavy but not so full of volume it can’t fit into her helmet. She is slender and has a toned, fit physique but not overly so. She still retains her feminine form and has moderate curves. Her most powerful feature is her eyes. She has penetrating, intelligent, alluring, deep green eyes. She is not a flashy dresser. She is kind of a tomboy and prefers loose comfortable clothing (except her battle attire). However, when she wants to impress she prefers tasteful dresses, usually of earthly colors, that bring out her lightly tanned skin and long, smooth legs. She does not wear makeup, mainly because she doesn’t need it. Her face has its own unique attractive quality and makeup would just overshadow it.

Britomart could be compared to a plethora of people for her numerous qualities. However, to pick two I must choose Joan of Arc as a realistic historical woman who fought for what she believed in and was very brave and also to Mulan (the Disney character) because both characters fight for their own beliefs and trick others into believing they are men and meet their true love in the process.

As to the ridiculous question of who our heroine would vote for in the most recent election I must say Obama. Not necessarily because she liked him over McCain but because she is a strong independent woman who surely wants women’s rights and historically the Democrats have been a stronger supporter of that.

Talking to Britomart would probably be difficult seeing as she most likely speaks in old English. However, if we met and had a short conversation I imagine it would go something like this:

“Britomart? Hi, my name is Amir Aschner and I am a big fan of yours. You’re quite the woman by my standards.”

“Sir Aschner, to meet thy acquaintance is a pleasure, and your kind words are to my ear a treasure.”

“Right. Well I have a lot to do today. Very nice to meet you and I hope to see you again soon so we can get to know each other better.”

“Indeed, good knight. Fair thee well on your quests and may luck always be upon your chest.”

“(aside) Jeeze, if she always talks in rhyme that would get annoying fast.”

What Does Britomart Look Like…

By: Max Mam

I envision Britomart as being about 5′ 8″ with long, dark brown hair and brown eyes. She is thin, but not so much as to appear weak. Very athletic, she possesses great strength and agility but is not physically imposing underneath her armor. Though she is very beautiful, she must hide her feminine features in order for her to pass as a male during quests. She wears ivory-colored armor and wields a snow white spear whose tip exudes a faint blue aura. Beneath the tough demeanor Britomart maintains whilst upon her many adventures lies a pleasant smile and a beautiful laugh. In some ways, she resembles Keira Knightley. Additionally, Britomart would undoubtedly vote for John McCain simply because he is her great-great-great-great-great grandson somewhere down the line. And we all know Britomart’s got her family’s back.

Britomart’s speech pattern implements many old English speech patterns and vocabulary and is thus far removed from the current vernacular in modern society. Also, she has an uncanny knack for having her sentences rhyme. Undoubtedly it would be great fun to talk to her.

Britomart: Most gracious noble knight, art thou not well? Speak what woes trouble your heart, I implore, for I shall smite those evils straight to hell, else in my vain process breathe nevermore.

Max: *speechless at the absurdity of the situation*

Britomart: What wretch doth live to thy voice take captive? By mine hands shall this evil be undone. Fear not, this villain soon shall cease to live. Foul sorcerer, thou shouldst make haste and run!

Max: *still speechless and watches in amazement as she runs to smite a non-existent sorcerer*

B r i t o m a r t

~ by Jim B.

Britomart is hard to look at on a sunny day; her armor is blindingly white, so as to represent Chastity. Her hair is indeed blond (no arguments !), and she keeps it short in order to be unhindered in battle, though it also helps her to masquerade as a man when she’s in the mood. Because travelling around in a suit of heavy armor can be uncomfortably warm, Britomart chooses to wear few garments beneath her blinding white plates. These garments include: a short white robe, occasionally stained with purple; an enticingly dainty white undergarment; and two thick, battleworthy white stockings. The shaft of her spear is bleached, and its blade glows softly (it’s enchanted, duh). Britomart is of very imposing stature, standing tall and proud in the face of danger. She commands the respect of all who meet her.

Britomart would vote for neither McCain nor Obama. In fact, she wouldn’t have time to vote at all. Even if she did, though, she wouldn’t have enough time to develop an informed opinion on the issues, and because she is honest and virtuous, would not cast a half-boiled vote. Why doesn’t she have any time ? Because she’s always questing, of course.

The following is what I imagine would happen if ever I were to meet Britomart:

Britomart: “Hail, who goes there ?”

Me, wearing sunglasses because of the shiny armor: “Would you mind standing in the shade ? I can’t see.”

Britomart: “Whate mannere of sorcerie be this ?! Darken spectacles whichen blocketh the gentle rayes of yonder sonne !”

Me: “Umm, yeah, please stop pointing that spear at me.” <_< *start backing away from the crazy lady*

Britomart: “Do not essaye to flye from battle, for I shall smite thee and thy foul magicked spectacles !”

The Faerie Queene – Kyle’s Cut

by Kyle (Kylan) Osborne

Britomart everyone’s favorite heroine stands 5’6”. Her lean build often makes her appear taller when she is wearing her armor. Her armor is dazzlingly white and is a fearsome sight to behold. In her attempt to seem like a man, Britomart may have overcompensated when she chose a suit of armor with interlocking plates and multiple dangerous looking protrusions. Despite its near sinister construct the armor looks nothing less than commanding and noble when donned by the fearsome Britomart. Her shoulder length black hair is often covered by her deceptive helm, while eyes reveal the many trials she has endured. When it comes to the election there are many arguments. Some could say that she is not content to sit back waiting for things to happen, so she goes out to change her place and realize her future…thus Obama. But others would describe her as a Maverick who longs to show that she won’t be tied down or classified by a group, in this case her gender… thus McCain. In all truth, Britomart would have voted for Ralph Nader. He is the only candidate that she felt she could truly trust. Now you might ask… why could she trust Nader? Since you asked… Britomart is impressed by Nader’s perseverance and loyalty to a cause that he cares for and loves. As she journeys on her quest Britomart would gladly help anyone who is searching and persevering to find the thing that he loves and feels is his destiny. I think if I had to compare Britomart to a contemporary woman I would probably chose Hillary Clinton. I might be way off and misinterpreting the work, but for a historical comparison I would at least have to consider Queen Elizabeth. J

Setting the scene: I am peacefully seated in the highest room of the tallest tower of my castle with a guest. Suddenly (and quite rudely) Britomart bursts into the chamber in full armor brandishing her cute little enchanted spear.

Britomart: AHA! Halt thyselfe where yvo stand. Keep away from the Faer maide.

Lord Kylan: Dang it! Seriously Britomart… again!?! We just went through this two weeks ago!

*scene* I may have forgotten to mention that my companion was actually the daughter of the local grain-seller, who I may or may not have been holding hostage.

Britomart: As the defender of trve loue’s chasitie, my dutie and conscience brought me to this near travestie!

Lord Kylan: Come on… if you just let me get away with it once you won’t have to deal with this every few weeks and…

*Britomart raises her spear*

                Fine take her! But you can’t kill me. I’m a noble and that would stain others’ perception of you.

*Britomart knocks Kylan unconscious with the butt of her spear and escorts the maid home*

I would consider writing more… but this is probably starting to be painful for any who may be reading and this post is starting to look massive!

Hi! Bye!

By Chris Bang 13, November

I would say that Britomart is a 17 years old 5’6” long brunette girl. She is in shining red full-plate armor, which is made of dragon bones (why not? It is just a fiction!), a magical helm that can change a voice and carries a long crystal spear, which is unbreakable. She is thin yet well-built (unless she won’t be able to wear her armor). I think she would vote for McCain, because there were no black people in England during her time, so Britomart would just think that Obama is an alien (no one is going to vote for an alien!). I would say that Britomart resembles Jean D’Arc, for she is the only woman warrior I know (I know Mulan too, but the Chinese girl doesn’t wear a full-plate armor).


Chris: Hi, Britomart!

Britomart: Hi and bye!

Chris: Uuhhh…… wait a sec!

Britomart: (Yells with an angry face) talk to me once more and I will smite you!!!!!!!!!!! So, bye!!!


By: Lynne M.

Britomart is 5’8″ with long, straight dark brown hair. She isn’t extraordinarily skinny, but she is thin and healthy-looking. She wears a dull silver suit of armor with her hair put up in her helmet when it’s on, but when she’s just walking around, she has her helmet off and under her arm. She would vote for McCain, because she’s a traditional country girl who likes her weapons.

B: Good’ay, kind ma’am. Dost thou have any issues with loue that I may help thou with?

L: Well, yeah. My love is in the far off land of Murfreesboro, in the kingdom of Sir Phillip Bredesen. He is locked up in the art building on the campus of MTSU, held captive by an art professor who is attempting to steal his artistic abilities and use them for evil purposes.

B: Then off we must go so that your loue canst keep his precious skills of art that he obtains by collecting powers from the God aboue and harnessing them for worldly good. We must defend him from the evil professor!

L: Onward!


By: Lee Jones

When I play games, I play them for fun and as a distraction from the rest of my life, including schoolwork. This has been the mindset that I have had throughout my life, and this is the mindset that I entered this class with. Now, playing the games is a class assignment, and while my logical mind recognizes this fact, the unconcious part of my brain that schedules out my days still puts gaming under the title of “leisure activity.” When I plan out when to do homework, this unconcious part of me schedules homework for my other classes, such as Latin, before gameplay time. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy the games themselves, and this may in fact mean that I enjoy the games too much. I guess the correct way to term this is that my other obligations interfere with my gameplay time, rather than vice-versa.