Once Upon a Time…

Do you know the muffin man? I do. Guess who is homies with the three little pigs. Me. Do you have  a beauty of a girlfriend who is  always sleeping? Obviously not. But I do. Where am I? I’m in the magical world of Shrek, where anything is possible.

I probably wouldn’t want to be Shrek himself, but then again who would? He’s a fat green bastard whose best friend is a donkey. But hey, what about that Puss in Boots guy? He’s seems to get a lot of women. Kind of a badass, too. Dude even got his own spinoff movie where he gets to bro out with Kitty Softpaws. And he’s voiced by Antonio Banderas, who is of course, dreamy.

That’s the beauty of Shrek. Even a supporting character can become a hero. Because anything is possible.

Basically, Shrek’s world is awesome.  Imagine a place where Gingerbread Men are alive and Cameron Diaz is not old and plastic looking. A world where Eddie Murphy actually doesn’t suck, and where Mike Meyers can pretend he’s still famous. It’s all fantasy, but that doesn’t make it seem any less real to those involved.

Anything is possible, and not just pretending you’re still famous. The original Shrek is a true David v. Goliath story–if David was a flat-nosed ogre and Goliath was a midget king voiced by the Trinity Killer. Seriously though, seeing someone who inspires disgust in every living (or fantasy) creature save a princess and a kingdom at the same time…well that just makes me all tingly inside. Makes me believe that anything is possible. I guess there’s a Shrek in all of us.

Actually, screw that. Fiona might be an even better representation of the potential for upward mobility in Shrek. I’m a Fiona type myself. Everyone thinks I’m all beautiful and every prince wants a piece of me. Then, I get saved by an ogre. Jeez, I’d rather have been saved by the Gingerbread Man. At least he would taste good. Then I have to reveal my secret. I turn into an ogre. No one likes me. I no longer look like a princess.  On the outside. Of course, I’m still a princess at heart. But the chips are down. Yet there I am, still riding through the country side with my prince, saving the magical kingdom. Besides, that ‘beneath the surface’ revelation makes me tear up every time. It’s deep. Anything is possible, man.

Also: dragons.Dude, are you kidding me? The dirty, disgusting things I’d do to slay a dragon in real life. I mean, I’ve slayed dragons in my dreams before. I’ve made out with girls with fire breath. But can you imagine taking down the real thing, putting a sword through the heart of that massive, fire-breathing bird? My sword is ready just thinking about it.




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